It's a tricky situation to be in because your freinds/family love you but at the same time it's this love that's potentially stunting your progress from doing what you need to do. See our friends and family never want to see us get hurt, they want the "best" for us and because of that they encourage us to "play it safe" or tell us that our goal/mission is just too dangerous, it's just too crazy, too out there and that we're better off just calling it quits. In this article I'm going to explain the main deep psychological reasons as to why these people DO attempt to hold us back so you yourself can be more aware the next time it happens preparing you to move past them!
1. WE LIKE COMFORT
I mean hey who doesn't, if you look back to prehistoric times we have a good reason for doing so. When we get stressed, our flight or sight system begins to fire. Now this system can get triggered from real threats like bears/saber tooth tigers and other potential enemies or it can get triggered from our now modern day to day problems like a boss getting angry at you, getting cut off in line, spilling coffee on your laptop and the list just goes on and on.
See I bring this up because we in our society have a built in system that allows us to go from point "a" to point "b" in a nice linear line, this being - go to school, get a job, get married, get a mortgage, get a house, have kids, get a pension plan, retire and die. Now there's nothing horrible with this system although like anything in life, things progress, adjust, change and evolve... this system being one of them. See people are now beginning to understand that this linear "system" really is just that....A SYSTEM. So they are deciding to step outside of it. ALTHOUGH IT IS HERE with the stepping outside of this system that our "fight or flight system" goes off. It goes off not only for us but also for our family/freinds and it's this reason WHY they attempt to keep you back in line. Our friends/family don't like this uncomfortable feeling and because of it, they try bringing things back to normal. So if you notice an immediate initial resistance from freinds/family by doing your own thing, just understand it's because they themselves are uncomfortable with you stepping outside the norm so they are simply trying to reduce this anxiety by bringing you back in. Don't take it personal...just be aware of it so you don't get discouraged and you are then able to keep moving forward.
2. WE PUT EACH OTHER IN BOXES
We, being you and me..all of us, we put each other into boxes. Boxes..what? Yup little psychological boxes to again keep us COMFORTABLE. Here's an example: If I have a friend, I may unconsciously place him in a box of being a 5'10 male, African decent, music liking, fashion wearing, timid type of person. We do this to people so we can associate with them easier.
See your friends/family have unconsciously placed YOU in a psychological box as well. BUT when you decide to follow your own calling, because doing so generally involves some pretty crazy, sh*t completely outside the "norm" you are now JUMPING out of your box right in front of their eyes! This again makes these people VERY UNCOMFORTABLE because they now don't know how to speak to you. They don't know how to respond to you. I mean just think, I bet you've had a friend where you guys would talk all the time for months/years, then for whatever reason you both had to split to do your own thing but then reunited or saw each other again several years laster. You now don't necessarily know how to now respond to this person, I mean it's been so long that they have of course have jumped out of the psychological box you placed them in years ago and because of it you now can't communicate with them in the same way. See how this makes you uncomfortable? Well it's this same feeling your friends/family get when you jump out of your box. So again don't take it personal that your friends/family are trying to pull you back into your box as 1. usually they're doing it unconsciously and 2. They're just doing it for their own comfort. So again be aware of it so you don't get discouraged further allowing you to keep moving forward.
3. PEOPLE GROW RESENTFUL
Whaaat? How would these people grow resentful towards you? It's actually quite simple.. y'see when you follow your stoke and do your own thing in life generally people become upset....very upset, but it's not actually at you. Rather it's at themselves. When you have the courage to do your own thing you are basically holding a mirror in front of everyone shedding light on the fact that they ARE NOT acting courageously themselves. You are showing these people that YES it is possible to take the steps needed to move in the direction of your dream BUT they still are not dong it. This makes people very angry at themselves but to hide it, they get angry at you. They again want to be comfortable and by you bringing light to the fact that they're not following their true calling for whatever reason you're going to catch some heat....period so get ready. Once again just keep an eye out for these situations when they do arise so you can stay focused and stay on track.
SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?
First thing is DO NOT hate or resent these people. Remember they're only doing this because they want to be comfortable so don't fight what they're doing because it just won't work. Instead just accept it and see it objectively....understand why their doing it, so you don't get upset at yourself or the ones saying it.
Now although we cant fully avoid these situations all together, there are some things we can do to prevent these people from continuing to discourage you.
- SET BOUNDARIES - Yes, let your friends/family know what you're doing, let them know what your dream is about and let them know that regardless of what they say you are going to follow that dream no matter what. Be persistent with this and eventually your friends/family should understand and then slowly begin to stop nagging/discouraging you. If this doesn't work being, they are STILL constantly nagging/discouraging you then follow step 2.
- CUT THEM OFF - It's the sad truth none of us want to hear but sometimes your "friends" really never were your friends after all and by you pursuing your dream it brought it to awareness. I'm afraid it may be inevitable to cut off some of these friends and there's no easy way to do this, I understand that.. I've been there but at the end of the day it really comes down to what's most important...your friends.....or you... You make the choice. Now if it's your family on the other hand, this is a bit trickier. First off, just hope and pray that they will be supportive of what you are doing and to do this, show them how dedicated/persistent/convictional and passionate you are about your mission, show them all the work you are putting into your mission and if they see this work ethic/passion long enough, they may just then begin to support and actually encourage your mission just like my family does now. Although if your family DOES NOT support what you're doing at all and they really just won't let it happen (won't let you drop out of school to pursue what you want as an example) then the choice really is up to you and it's going to vary based on the situation. In most cases if not ALL I would honestly say do it anyways, continue to do what feels right regardless. So if that means dropping out of school by doing what feels right WITHOUT your parents knowing then so be it. (That's what I did and although it was quite tough in the beginning, it all ended up working out perfectly and actually much better than expected in the end.)
So that's it guys, use what you have learned here in this article and apply it to your own life! I really hope this article was of benefit to you and I honestly wish you all the best. I'm always going to be here for support and I will continue to guide you with what I have learned along my own journey.
Now to finish this off, at the end of the day it really is just going to come down to YOU taking those steps. I obviously can't make these moves for you just as you can't make these moves for me. It's something we all individually must build the courage to do. I know it's scary.. I know it's stressful and I know it's confusing BUT from what I have learned by beginning to truly follow my heart about 1.5 years ago... only good, no great, no LIFE CHANGING things will happened. Who I have become inside due to following my heart is honestly game changing, the amount of internal work that has happened to me is unfathomable and I don't say this out of arrogance but instead to inspire you all that IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU as well when you begin to follow your heart.
That's it so thanks a ton for reading, if you do want to check out this information in greater detail/depth, make sure to check out my Youtube video down below which explains this all in a different light! 🙂 Much love to you all, and of course....keep growing.